Tuesday, 5 November 2013

The Princess Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse - The Beauty Edition!

Ever since AMC'S hit The Walking Dead came bursting into TV land Zombies have landed into our everyday lives and are definitively not reserved for Halloween anymore. The zombie apocalypse has become very much a real thing in the past few years and I for one couldn't be more thrilled or more terrified about the whole concept.
As a girly girl the very idea of letting go of my "personal" necessities in order to go on a never-ending hard-core camping trip in search of some safe haven, makes me freak out and come to the painful realization that if by some chance this all comes true my survival life span is extremely short. 
Unless of course I hook up with Daryl Dixon and his crossbow. However life with Daryl would bring a whole other kind of gross challenges so unless I reform my girly ways he just might end up leaving me somewhere on the road, meaning my death would be pretty much a certainty. 

This particular kind of musing came to me during one of those Walking Dead marathons and I figured that it might be time to plan out my own brand of Survival Gear. This way if the dead come calling I might be a little more prepared and maybe, just maybe my girly comfy life could perhaps be extended for a little longer. As I already discussed with my friend Heather my lip gloss littering habit can finally be proven useful or end up killing me way too early. 

I am perfectly aware that my contribution to the "group" would not be all that beneficial but if I bring some supplies to make life on the run a bit more "homey" then they might keep me around. After all every girl has a bottomless purse laying around.

Here is my Zombie Apocalypse Beauty Set! Feel free to add stuff to it in the comments - help is greatly appreciated!


From what I have seen so far the zombie apocalypse situation don't provide access to running water to shower, wash your hands, face and clothes; let alone wipe down unsanitary surfaces or remove walker grime after a good massacre. Wipes are the next best thing to water and lucky for us there are plenty of varieties and brands to choose from and stock up. Seriously you can never get enough so buy in bulk and thank me later. 
My choices would be; POND'S Luminous Clean Wet Cleansing Towelettes ($6.00 for 30), La Fresh Travel Lite Female Hygiene Wipes ($2.49 for 8) and Mustela Facial Cleansing Cloths ($8.00 for 25) 


I am not advocating using micellar waters as your primary cleanser during the "civilization" time but during the apocalypse where water is scarce these convenient solutions can be extremely useful. A few swipes on a cotton pad will remove sweat and grime quickly, discretely and beautifully until you can use the real thing. The added bonus is the refreshment factor and if you choose one of the natural formulas then the scent will be helpful as well. The Zombie Apocalypse does not smell all that nice! 
My favorite portables are the NUXE Rose Micellaire Water ($24.00 for 200 ml), Vichy Purete Thermale 3-in-1 Calming Cleansing Water ($17.00 for 200 ml) and Dior Instant Cleansing Water with Pure Lily Extract ($40.00 for 6.7 oz)


One of the things I will hate the most is probably going to be the smell. I am not even talking about the rotting-flesh scent! The thing i fear the most even today is my own sweat and embarrassing body odor. The mere whiff can make me feel very uncomfortable and can wreck my day so I am very familiar with the Deodorant Aisle World.
I am assuming that walkers are sensitive to scent so choosing unscented or even lightly fragranced formulas is preferred so keep that in mind when stocking up. The loose powder form is probably even better because of it's multitasking abilities (see here) so if you perfected the art of using them then by all means stash a few bottles for the road. 
My top choices are LUSH Vanilla Puff Dusting Powder ($6.95 for 55 g), LAVANILA Healthy Deodorant ($23.00 for 2 oz) and the very portable DERMAdoctor MED e TATE Wipes ($60.00 for 30).


Now I know a girly girl packing some lip gloss isn't all that earth-shattering but I am not talking about the shiny, luscious kind here. The useful lip balms are the ones I consider unassuming and underwhelming today so collecting countless tubes of this stuff can really come in handy. Moisturizing, medicated and nourishing rich formulas preferably in a tube (sanitary reasons) are the best ones to bring with you. Make sure you take a few man friendly ones too - guys can get chapped lips too and Lord knows they are too busy to think to pack any for themselves. 
The lip balm choices are countless these days but here are some of the ones that I rely on today Jack Black Intense Therapy SPF 25 Lip Balm ($7.50), L'Occitane Moisturizing Lip Balm ($12.00) and my favorite eos Strawberry Sorbet Organic Lip Balm ($3.29). 


If you can handle and pull off a pixie cut like Carol in The Walking Dead then that is your best bet because caring for long locks at the best of times can be taxing so doing so during the zombie apocalypse is probably gonna suck even more. Carrying huge bottles of your salon shampoo & conditioner is definitively inconvenient so an alternative must be found quickly if you insist on looking presentable. Dry shampoo can work in a pinch for a few days but eventually even that's not going to work very well. When you do have an opportunity to wash away the disgusting walker flesh from your person a solid shampoo and or conditioner is probably your best choice. 
The best ones that work that I tested on my thick, coarse, long hair are the LUSH Big Solid Conditioner ($9.95) and LUSH Jumping Juniper Shampoo ($10.95)
Dry shampoo's I love even today are Batiste Dry Shampoo in Tropical ($8.59), Klorane Extra Gentle Dry Shampoo ($17.00) and the ever colorful Bedhead Oh Beehive Matte Dry Shampoo ($20.00)


I am already a huge multi-purpose, multi-tasking product fan so luckily for me I already have all kinds of experience with the best of the best balms out there. These little miracles do it all - moisturize, soothe, heal, smooth, replenish, nourish and protect the sensitive epidermis from the dangerous environment you have found yourself in. The portability alone makes balms an essential part of your bag of tricks because you don't have to worry about leaking, spilling or staining your other essentials. Medicated formulas can be used to treat all the typical clumsy, first-time-in-the woods girl, bumps and scrapes that are bound to plague me right away. I might not even make a good walker meal if I die from a scratch-induced bacterial infection. 
Here are some stellar choices to consider Antipodes Saviour Skin Balm ($50.00), Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Skin Protectant ($20.00) and my new discovery Moa The Green Balm ($15.00) 


In typical girly girl style facing the world even if it is infested with ugly dead people , without makeup might set your heart in panic mode but sacrifices must be made for survival and really nobody is going to wait for you to finish your makeup when it's time to run! Tinted moisturizers with sunscreen are your friends and quite possibly your best beauty secret during these hard times. These miracle tubes will even out your skin tone, smooth out your complexion, add radiance and protect you from the harmful sun rays beautifully. And yes I realize that worrying about sun-damage, hyper pigmentation and wrinkles might be kind of pointless at that point but old habits die hard and I personally know my own vanity so I am sure polishing my look will actually be something I think about.
The cream if the crop are Chantecaille Just Skin SPF 15 Tinted Moisturizer ($72.00), Josie Maran Argan Tinted Moisturizer SPF 30 ($38.00) and my new love Tarte Amazonian Clay BB SPF 20 Tinted Moisturizer ($36.00)

8. SOAP 

I am not a huge fan of solid soap formulas because most of them seem to dry out my skin and leave some kind of icky residue on my skin no matter how much I rinse. However lugging luxury body washes while on the run will just because cumbersome very quickly so I can see my need-to-feel clean requirement winning out and a switch to a solid soap bars inevitable. Just make sure you invest in a nice soap container to make sure the soap lasts until you reach the next abandoned Sephora location. 
The few that haven't irritated me are Fresh Seaberry Exfoliating Soap ($18.50), LUSH Banana Moon Soap ($7.95) and the classic Dove Beauty Bar ($3.00 for 2)


Aside from my own girly girl must haves there are essentials and basics that might not be very exciting to look at but can mean a whole lot when the need strikes. I am talking about things that most girls already have in their purse today or can find easily around the house that are just waiting to be organized into one kick-ass survival kit. The Miniemergency by Pinch Provisions ($15.00) at Sephora gives you a good start but DIY set, personalized by you for your own priorities and emergencies is even better.

My start-up bag includes: mini toothpaste & mouthwash, floss, disposable toothbrushes, hand sanitizer, q tips, cotton balls, band-aids, hair elastics, bobby pins, hand sanitizer, cuticle balm, blotting papers, simple manicure set, itch and bug bite relief spray, polysporin, feminine hygiene products, safety pins, double sided tape, mini sewing kit, Tide stain remover pen ($9.97 for 3), mini hair spray etc.

Bringing food-like provisions on this never-ending camping trip from hell might sound basic but fine tuning the choices you bring with you can definitively make a world of difference. You would be surprised how many friends you can make with an energy bar.
The food products you pack need to be non-perishable, have a long shelf life, easy to carry and eat on the run but above all everything should have high nutrition value. Look for high sugar, high protein, high portability and high digestion probability (stomachache while running away from walkers is not a good position to be in).

Here are some healthy snack choices that fill me up these days: Larabars Coconut Cream PieLaughing Giraffe Vanilla Almond SnakaroonsBarnanaWild Roots Greek Yogurt Trail MixHippie Chow Granola and Kashi Dark Chocolate Coconut Granola Bars


In true Princess style I seem to lack the ability to pack light when i am away from home (suitcase for an overnight visit?) but the zombie apocalypse will force the frilliest of us all to cut the extras and bring the bare minimum. Its not going to happen overnight but I bet that once I realize just how heavy my "essentials" really are I will learn to go without very quickly.
However there are a few extras that might be worth lugging the extra baggage for - after all I wouldn't be a girly girl without those little luxuries to perk me up. After all its the end of the world and after a long day of slaying the undead a girl needs and deserves a bit of pampering.

*Facial Spay Mist 
The wonderful hydrating, refreshing and cooling formulas of today's face mists will bring a touch of luxury to the bleak world you now live in. The best part you can use the spray to blind the incoming walker who dares to interrupt your day. I am not positive it will work but its a good theory!
Try the Josie Maran Rosey Mist - Refreshing Rose Water ($29.00 for 4 oz)

*Nail Buffer
These trying times of dead people walking around is definitively not a time where any girl can afford to worry about her manicure or nail polish. That of course doesnt mean you need to let it all go, become all Edward Scissor-hand like and ignore your hands completely. Just a few quick and simple strokes of the nail buffer in the car on the way to your zombie kill fest can make a world of difference in the aesthetics of it all. Your nails will look shiny, healthy, polished and even better preserve your femininity a little bit more despite all the gore and slimy that comes along with slaying dead flesh.
Try the Sephora 4-Step Nail Buffer ($7.00) 

*Hand Sanitizer 
This doesnt need an explanation - everything is gross, the bacteria rules the world and every little bit of fight helps! It will at least give you a little bit of peace of mind!
Try the Bath & Body Works PocketBac Anti-Bacterial Gel ($1.75)

*Aromatherapy & Essential Oils
I am going on the assumption that walkers are sensitive to scent and can smell a living, breathing and thinking human being pretty quickly, which translates into my theory that masking my own body odor will be beneficial. If I am correct in that then dousing perfume or fragranced oils on my person should work as a camouflage? From my own fragrance journey I know that oil scents last the longest so that's the one I am going for! If i am wrong then this smelling-good habit will only get me killed but at least i'll be the sweetest smelling corpse around?
Try my new favorite Benefit Bathina "soft to touch...hard to get" Body Oil Mist ($40.00 for 2.5 oz)

The cheesy cliche of the pampered girly girl, incapable of surviving the first 10 minutes of all the great horror films needs to change and this is my feeble attempt to diminish that stereotype. I am definitively no expert on this survival kind of stuff and I perfectly aware that my own vanity and human needs and wants are going to be my downfall if all this comes to a head. That being said I am recognizing my shortcomings and trying to change my vantage point but seeing how rough this regular world is I know I am probably not set up for the Walking Dead universe. 
That is unless Daryl Dixon finds me and I survive the first 10 minutes. Who knows i might even like camping!

What is in your survival gear? Any pointers?
And can we just talk about the Caryl ship and mean Rick Grimes was on Sunday?
That was not cool at all and warrants an arrow up the ass if you know what I mean :-)



No comments:

Post a Comment